I thought I had a writer’s block. I was not being able to write or how to express what I am feeling. Whenever I am on a blank page, no thought runs in my head. It’s just blank. So I kept thinking it was temporary writer’s block and that it will go away and I will be able to write again. But it’s been almost two years and a half and I am still in that mode. No matter how much I am hoping it is temporary and will go away eventually, as time passes by, the more I am losing hope and think maybe something shifted in my mind because of all the stress and emotional trauma. In the past, when I had a blank page I would write so much and my mind used to run like a machine running consistently without a stop. I would have so many ideas, and comparisons, being able to express my real-life experiences on a page but now it feels like a dead end. I am done waiting. I am thankful at times because I am not overthinking or thinking a lot but at the same time, my ability to overthink and express it very clearly is just dead/dry. It feels like my trauma overtook me to the point that it kind of shut it off- as if it cannot handle it. I do not feel the need to explain, to put extra effort into relations or plans but rather focus on myself and prioritize my mental being and self. People no longer are more important than me, myself, and I. I am important. My mental health is important. Building myself is a priority. My family is a priority. My self-work is a priority. Nobody ever put in that extra effort to make me feel otherwise the way I have been doing. So why should I? I will be the best version of myself mentally and physically. I love me. God loves me. It does not matter if people love me or even like me as long as I do and that is enough.
